Actually... they were thrown around me, and about me. But not directly to me.
The gossip chain noted today that my "true colors" are those of negativity and attitude. Despite my positive demeanor and attempt to help at every turn, the moment I'm backed into a corner and my hand is forced to snap at someone, those actions color perception of me more deeply than any others.
This morning, I was pushed to breaking and had to demand that a coworker contact me if she needs assistance. This is supposed to be the status-quo every day, but on more occasions than not she will passive-aggressively seek alternatives in the name of drama. Most days I allow this. Today I did not.
I spent the morning feeling very upset that I had been labeled as a "fake." It's important to me to be upbeat and to generate an aura of positivity that can infect the stressed out individuals around me. When I feel those efforts are for naught, the effects can be quite unsettling.
However, after a lovely long walk with a wonderfully level-headed coworker, I was able to re-balance and understand that perceptions of me never tell the whole story. At the risk of babbling back the words of writers before me, I was comforted by the knowledge that how I am perceived is only 5% about my actions and 95% about how others interpret those actions.
Knowing that I am acting to the best of my ability is tantamount.
So, I feel better. Still somewhat bruised by the hurtful person, but she's hurt before and will hurt again.
So instead of getting hung up on it, I'll focus on happy thoughts:
Like this new episode of "Conversations with my 2 Year Old"!
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