Five-Star Options

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

To Know-It-Alls Who Want A New Lunch Option

While on the market for a new lunch option and asking personal questions of your coworkers such as "Where do you like to go to lunch?", it's best not to turn up your nose and respond to suggestions with "Oh, I don't eat there."

And while we're at it, you're welcome to put that look of disgust right back where it came from.

At best, that nonsense will earn you a spot in the ranks of picky eaters who're too good for a sammich.

At worst, you'll offend me with your stern down-the-nose snobbery.

If my culinary tastes are beneath you, you're welcome to say "Thank you for your suggestions." While I understand that my dining situation isn't Michelin rated, it works for me (and my budget, and my available lunch breaks). I made nothing but typical suggestions that I offer to other typical workers in our typical little city. Your pooh-poohery doesn't make you seem special: it makes you seem foolish.

While it's possible that I'll continue tossing suggestions at you like limp spaghetti at grandmama's wall, the thought of that continued effort in the face of your self-righteous scoffery wearies me.

What's more likely is that next time I'll just offer you some of my leftover, congealed Hamburger Helper(TM) and tell you to stuff it.

RaYD,

Sunny

Best Day

The after-vacation acclimation back into the real world has been particularly difficult for me this year.

After two blissful weeks away from home, work, technology and the cares of Real Life, I launched back into my regularly scheduled program last week by working an extra day’s worth of overtime, spending an entire day cleaning my home and generally just being Crazy Busy.

Getting all of this done is leaving me with a fabulous sense of accomplishment, but is also leaving me in a position of Rode Hard and Put Away Wet.**1

Vacation posture included:


• The naptime sprawl-across-the-bed

• The lounge-time sprawl-across-the-lawnchair

• The social time lean-against-the-bar

• Lots and lots (and lots, and lots) of walking


Work day posture includes:


• The morning sit-at-the-computer

• The noontime sit-at-the-computer

• The afternoon sit-at-the-computer

• The evening race-around-the-kitchen-to-make-dinner

• The post-evening crash-haphazardly-on-the-couch


These postures are very, very different.

Which means that my body is reacting very, very differently to the stresses imposed by The Real World.

While on vacation, I was the epitome of Zen. I was relaxed, I was chill, and I was Loose as a Goose.**2

While in the Real World, I’ve got some stress.

Mortgage payments need to be made.

Home needs to be cleaned.

Social gatherings need to be arranged.

Family time needs to be scheduled.

Work needs to be accomplished.

It’s all weighing heavily on my mind…

Which, in turn, leads to it weighing heavily on my shoulders.

And neck.

And the other little muscles that react when I’m not feeling totally on-par with the issues of real life.

(I told you that story, to tell you this story…)

Because I’m the luckiest girl in the history of the universe, I have an amazing Boyfriend who seeks to take care of me when I’m being pathetic and have Serious Ouch.

So, last evening, Boyfriend of Amazingness noted my compulsive hand-to-neck action. I was reaching up, grabbing tightly, sighing deeply and going back to business.

After deciding that I had been pathetic long enough, he offered to try to take care of the angry knots that were reducing me to a pile of whiny Sunny-Rubble.

It was as he was working on a particularly angry knot that had hindered the free-flow of oxygen through my lungs that my eyes rolled back in my head and I said “OH MY GOD. This is the best day of my life.”

This is all hearsay, I must admit – I wasn’t in complete control of my faculties, and plead guilty of a moderate case of Oral Diarrhea.

Nonetheless, he said he heard me say it.

Which led to a conversation this morning about what we really thought the best days of our life were.

Some of the contenders were obvious:

• The day we signed the papers for our house and it became ours

• The day we met

• The day we said “I Love You”

But as I drove in to work this morning, I realized that my “Honey, I think you know what my best days have been” comment was off base. Who am I to assume that he knows? That would be like assuming what the weather will be tomorrow without actually consulting any meteorological know-it-alls. One must put the information out there to assure understanding across the board.

So, brace yourselves, my ReaderFriends… we’re about to get sappy.


AN OPEN LOVE NOTE FROM SUNNY
TO HER BOYFRIEND OF AMAZINGNESS


Dear You:

You are my best days. You are my happy place. And you are my sunshine.

I love you very much.

Do Do Doodle-oodle-ooh, da Do Do Do-Do Dooo Dooo,

Me


**1 The origin of this phrase: horsemanship. Google it. But carefully, because it’s also got some Rated XXX connotations, which are not synonymous with my state of being.

**2 The origin of this phrase: goose poop. Google it, too. But again… carefully. This one isn’t totally PG either.

For Everything Else...

Remember those old "Priceless" MasterCard commercials that started back in the late '90s?

They were pretty cute.

It would list some series of expensive items, followed by some monetarily invalid statement about how whatever facet of life was more important than money. The closing statement was "There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard."

This statement came to mind this morning.

The Receptionist's first husband died this morning. It left her feeling very shaken and very upset, although it's a death that has been anticipated for quite some time.

(On a side note, here's hoping that it kicks her in the pants to start being more healthy. She's older than he was, and is in poor health herself.)

So I spent more time than expected covering the front desk today.

Unfortunately, life doesn't come to a stop just because there's a ringing phone to answer. Also on the docket today has been an incredible amount of fixation over the miles-long to do list that's scrolling through my brain.

I have a vacation eeking upon on me, and have been absolutely swamped with moving and with family time lately, so vacation preparations have fallen to the wayside. It's got me pretty frazzled. Also high on the frazzling spectrum**1 was the phone call I received from an irate vendor this morning claiming a repossession charge against us.

The situation unfolded in a frustrating fashion, and before we hung up the phone I had told the woman "Do you think I'm just going to whip out my personal credit card and take care of this here? That's not how it works, honey." She stammered as though I had slapped her.

Admittedly, I felt bad after... but not bad enough to appologize. After all, there wouldn't be any discussion of repossession if she could get invoices to us in a timely fashion in the first place.

Nonetheless, I had a busy mind as I sat here waiting for the phone to ring and the other shoe to drop.

But, as I sat, one of the more mild mannered EngineerFriends approached my desk. I braced myself for a request that I wouldn't really have time to handle. He leaned on the counter, looking down at his hands and the three dollars he held in them.

"I found these upstairs," he said. "I don't think they're mine, so I wanted to bring them down and ask that you find their rightful owner."

Now, we should note again that this man is an Engineer. Three dollars' worth of his time is an insanely short series of seconds. Three dollars of my time is nothing to spit at, either... but, nonetheless, I penned a note to the masses:

"An undisclosed**2 amount of money was just turned over to Lost and Found. If you’re (legitimately) missing some greenery from your pocket, please let either myself or [Receptionist] know before 4:00 p.m. today.

"If not claimed by 4:00 p.m., this will be turned over as a donation to the next Bagel Friday and a hearty Thank You will be issued to the anonymous contributor.

"Engineer's Time to Turn Over $3 to Lost & Found: $10

"Administrator's Time to Write Note to Masses about Lost Money: $5

Administrator's Time to Field E-mails and Phone Calls about Bogus Lost Money: $15

Restoring Faith in Humanity or Finding Out That an EngineerFriend Cares About Doing the Right Thing: Priceless

**1 Note To Self: Create a "Frazzling Spectrum." It will become the new standard upon which workdays are based, and will singlehandedly lift you from the doldrums of corporate life by shooting you to superstardom. Reserve your date with Ellen now.

**2 If I told them straight up how much had been turned over, everyone would show up claiming it's theirs. Human nature - although it's dishonest, it's not unexpected. So we combat it straightaway.

Mercury in Retrograde, Part II

Monday, as the first day of the week, was a little scatter-brainy for me. As a scatter-brainy sort of girl on a scatter-brainy sort of day, I had to do a little digging to come up with fodder for a decent post.

But what I found really piqued my interest.

Then yesterday, being the day where I donated blood for the first time in two years, I was feeling even more scatter-brainy. I was perfectly alright, of course, but just didn't have the energy to pull together anything worth reading.

But today - today is my oyster, and I'm going to crack it with the power of my words.

I wrote on Monday about how Mercury is due to fall into retrograde. Well, my good friends, that has happened.

At 9:00 this morning, the astrological world**1 as we know it was thrown into pandemonium caused by the planet of communication, truth and travel going all wonky.

When I realized this impending situation on Monday, I immediately set about finding a Quick and Dirty Guide to Surviving Mercury Retrograde.

I wasn't disappointed when I stumbled across Gala Darling's article of just that name. She offered some helpful tips, including:

* Be sure not to take things too personally.

* Finish projects you started in the past.

*Allow yourself to be urged in unusual directions - you might learn something new!

While all of these tips are helpful for getting through this month-long period of disenchantment, I wanted more information. I don't want to survive Mercury Retrograde - I want to thrive in it!

So, I settled back in for more research.

And it turns out that Gala Darling kind of knows what she's talking about, and had the same revelation. Mercury Retrograde can be pretty draggy - lets spice it up!

She offered an article called "10 Magical Ways to Make The Most of Mercury Retrograde." I was thrilled! Packed to bursting with all sorts of wonderful ideas to keep negativity at bay, here's her list:

From: http://galadarling.com/article/10-magical-ways-to-make-the-most-of-mercury-retrograde

1. Renew your vows.

You lovebirds! If you’re already in a committed relationship, marriage or partnership, this is the perfect time to renew your promises to one another. You could have an elaborate ceremony or you could keep it simple: go to the restaurant where you had your first date, look at old photos, talk about how far you’ve come since you met. Bless!

2. Clean out your closet.

I did this last Tuesday & it was a bit of a life-changer! The energy of Mercury retrograde is fantastic for trimming the fat, so to speak, so you’ll have lots of astrological help as you go through your wardrobe & cull it mercilessly! If you need a bit of help doing it, check out my Wardrobe Taming series! (Blast from the past, baby!)

3. Look up an old love or your ex-best friend.

This is an excellent time to revisit those old relationships & see where the land lies. You don’t need to resuscitate them, of course, & often things we try to start during Mercury retrograde end up being short-lived anyway, but there can be a lot to learn from reuniting. You could find that the closure is exactly what you needed.

4. Forgive & forget.

Mercury retrograde encourages us to tie up loose ends, & the ultimate loose end is sourness or bitterness towards someone else. Holding a grudge is like drinking poison & waiting for the other person to die! It’s time to move on, & if you can’t forget, do your best to forgive.

5. Take a fabulous holiday.

Even though we’re usually not encouraged to travel during Mercury retrograde — simply because it’s something that is easily affected by the natural miscommunications of this period — if you can get away, you should! Honour any hankerings you might have for a bit of downtime. Go to a tropical island & lie on the beach for a week, or simply have a staycation at home. You’ll feel so much better for it!

6. Relax & take care of yourself.

The classic old checklist of getting enough sleep, staying hydrated & doing a lot of stretching absolutely applies during Mercury retrograde. If you’ve fallen off the H2O wagon, buy yourself a cute drink bottle & keep it on your desk! (I have a vampire drink bottle. I love it.) Make an extra effort to relax before bed, maybe by turning off the television & having a bath, & get your solid 8 hours. Stretch & move your body as much as you can.

7. Rejuvenate your living space!

If your house isn’t looking its best, now is the time to start dreaming about it! Your home should be a reflection of your most fabulous self: a place that you’re excited to return to. While it’s not the best idea to make big purchases during Mercury retrograde, it is a truly excellent time to do any research. Start investigating: look at Pinterest for interior decorating ideas, scope out websites for the best prices, & make a list of the things you’ll need. Once Mercury goes direct on the 26th of November, you can start to put your plans into action! (Funnily enough, I started doing this yesterday, without even thinking about it!)

8. Work on your CV or personal mission statement.

Mercury retrograde favours rewriting, revising or editing any documents. Why not put that energy to good use & rework your CV or personal mission statement? You could spice up your blog’s bio page or make some long overdue changes to your business plans. Mercury’s magic will help you out as you do it, & you might be astounded by what comes out when you sit down to start writing!

9. Read old journals.

If you go back to your old journals or notebooks during this time, you’ll be amazed by the things you read & the revelations that occur. It will be incredible to you to see how far you’ve come & how much growth has happened! (Plus, it’s usually pretty good for a laugh!)

10. Get a bit nostalgic!

Mercury retrograde is the best time ever to listen to old albums that you loved when you were a teenager, to watch movies that used to mean so much to you, & to revisit activities you have given up. Last night I went on a trip down memory lane listening to Tool, & as I write this, I’m playing Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness: still a fantastic album! Why not jump back into that sport or activity you loved when you were 19 years old?

Each and every one of these missives is something I can focus on during this time. Travel? Absolutely! We have a two-week long trip planned. Rejuvenate the living space? You absolutely know it! The new house is simply begging to be organized and turned from cluttered storage area to loved and cherished home. It's all going to be an adventure.

My friends, just because the stars tell you that today might be scary doesn't mean that you'll stop living it to the fullest, right?

Right.

I want to hear what you will be doing to combat Mercury's retrograde effects! What are your thoughts?

How will you make the most of Mercury in Retrograde?
	Renew a relationship commitment
	Purge a cluttered area of your home
	Reconnect with someone from your past
	Put a hurtful situation behind you
	Vacation or Stay-cation
	Focus on relaxation and yourself
	Rejuvenate your living space
	Rewrite your personal mission statement
	Read old journals
	Indulge in some nostalgia
pollcode.com free polls

**1 ...of which I am only remotely a part when it conveniences me, my friends. Although I find it interesting, I don't often find it applicable in my own world... mostly because I don't typically remember what I need to be superstitious about.

Mercury in Retrograde

I've written before about how enamored I am with the heavens.

But, admittedly, I know far less than I ought.

Sure, I can pick out the Big Dipper on a clear night.

I can point out the Pleiades without much to-do.

I can even track down Orion and Taurus, engaged eternally in their game of tag across the sky.

But I'm pretty rotten at astrology.

That might be pretty par for the course. I'm an Aries, you see, which means I'm stubborn and can have a little difficulty following through with my undertakings. Astrology is far less scientifically based than Astronomy, so its nuances can be frustrating for me to follow (especially when they change according to where you get your information).

But sometimes it's important information to have.

For instance, every morning I pull out the comics from the office paper and flip through the stars before I check my funnies. I check my day-rating (today = two stars) and skim through my synopsis (today = don't commit until you think it through), breeze through the same for my sister and for Boyfriend of Amazingness, and then get on to Fred Basset. It's not like I set my day by what the paper tells me, but it's nice to know someone out there thinks I'm going to have a stellar (or crappy) day before it sneaks up on me on its own.

So, it makes sense that it caught my eye when I saw a post on my favorite social networking site this morning that mentioned Mercury going retrograde this Wednesday. As a previous student of astronomy (different from astrology, since it says right inside the word that it's tastier...), I understand that a retrograde motion is when a planet moving through the Zodiac appears to travel in reverse. However, I don't remember what that means for the next month's worth of activities. After all, there's an important month coming up**1 and I want to be prepared.

So when I saw the post that there were astrological goings-on in motion, I pulled up Google and got to my research.

I was a little perturbed to find that Mercury in retrograde has all sorts of negative impacts on "communication, clear thinking, truth and travel."**2 After all, what is vacation but an adventure in that assortment of phenomena? Without communication, a trip cannot be planned. Without clear thinking and honest assessments of situations, a trip cannot be executed. And without travel, a trip is not a trip at all but a random assortment of people and belongings sitting in a vehicle in the driveway.

Fortunately, I stumbled across a wonderful website that offered not only a straightforward explanation of Mercury retrograde but also a list of helpful tips to get through the following month. An important note was that it's good to be prepared a couple of days on either side of retrograde in case of ripple effects, so I thought I'd pass along some helpful tips:

A quick & dirty guide to

surviving Mercury retrograde!

Be sure not to take things too personally.

Back up your data!

Don’t purchase any big ticket items.

Take things with a grain of salt.

Read the small print on any contracts. Ask lots of questions.

Finish things you started a while ago.

Get together with old friends, reminisce & laugh!

Double-check any information you’re given, especially as relates to travel arrangements!

Allow Mercury to nudge you in unusual directions. If you seem to find yourself “back to the future”, don’t just try to wriggle out of it — look at what the universe is trying to show you.

Use the things you’ve discovered in the past to create a dazzling new vision so that you’re ready to blast ahead when Mercury goes direct!**2

See, ReaderFriends, it's not going to be so bad. Perhaps it might even be a fun adventure! I know my own closet could use some perusing - after the past weekend's adventures in unpacking, I found heaps of clothing I forgot we owned. Sounds like a purge is in my immediate future!

What will you do with all this interesting new energy that will be surging through soon?


**1 July is full of vacation. Of the available 23 working days during the month of July, I will be in the office for only 10 of them. Granted, one day is a national holiday during which no one will be working. Nonetheless... I'm going to be a leaf on the wind.

**2 All of this awesome understanding of the phenomenon comes from "How To Survive Mercury Retrograde" by Gala Darling. http://galadarling.com/article/how-to-survive-mercury-retrograde

Dry Heaves

I have a whole lot of brain bile going on right now, ReaderFriends.

I have to preface this post with this statement:

I try hard - damn hard - to be a pleasant person.

I try to smile.

I try to make jokes.

I try to be outwardly gracious to individuals in my sphere of influence.

But sometimes there are people to whom one simply cannot be pleasant.

I am forced into circumstances with a small handful of those individuals.

Now, most of them really don't care that I cannot be pleasant to them. They're grumpy in their own day-to-day lives, so my grumpiness in their presence just absorbs into their general aura of negativity, and as long as I can raise my chin afterwards and simply move on with my day.

But others...

Others make it their duty to be hateful, to be rude, to gossip without fact-checking and to generally be horrible individuals. And when I respond by distancing myself, I am portrayed as the hateful, rude, ignorant and hateful individual.

That infuriates me.

It infuriates me to tears.

Today it was brought to my attention that someone with whom I must interact frequently thinks my distance is "comical." Apparently it's chuckle-worthy that I have decided to save myself emotional turmoil by separating myself from them.

But unfortunately, the emotional turmoil saved by distancing myself has only been compounded once their comments were brought to light.

I hate being hateful. That's why I make an effort not ever to practice hatefulness.**1

But more than that, I hate being falsely portrayed as hateful.

It makes me want to lash out - to ask just exactly what they think they're doing. I want to ask if they're so self-centered that they're convinced I cannot possibly be distant because I want to keep my personal problems personal, so I can't share with them as they're an ignorant gossiping asshat.

I want to spew venom at them until they curl into a ball and leave forever.

I want to tell them how hurtful they're being, to see if even the tiniest flicker of remorse might

And it makes me want to go home and hide until everyone forgets about everything, and I can return to the world without a shred of information being known about me, and I can start up a new life with fresh anonymity and without anyone saying "Oh, you're the one who _______."

So, with that in mind, I post this:

Sunny's Top Ten Reasons For Staying Home (Or Going Home)

1.) A wave of tidiness has swept over me, and I must stay home so I can Clean All The Things. I'll be back tomorrow when I'm slobbish again.

2.) A wave of productivity has swept over me, and I must stay home because this is quite possibly the only time I'll ever feel like finishing that damned lace-knit scarf. I'll be back tomorrow when I'm sluggish again.

3.) A wave of exhaustion has swept over me, and I must stay home because I simply refuse to pry myself out of bed. I'll be back tomorrow when I'm not completely apathetic to the plight of the world.

4.) My hair is excitable today, and I don't wish to subject the public to its shenanigans. I'll be back tomorrow when it's boring again.

5.) There is not a single shred of clean clothing in this house for me to wear, and I must either stay home or show up naked... so I won't be there today. I'll be back tomorrow when I'm tidy again.

6.) A wave of creativity has swept over me, and I must stay home because I'm about to write a novel. I'll be back tomorrow when I'm devoid of personality again.

7.) Boyfriend of Amazingness has the day off, and it's entirely possible that my absence from our shared domicile will lead him to have every ounce of fun and I'll miss it all. I'll be back tomorrow when there's nothing better to do at home.

8.) My dog is taken with a fit of the sillies, and I don't want to miss that fun either. I'll be back tomorrow when she's sleeping lazily on the stairs.

9.) The world is making me grumpy, and I've run out of stickers, and I cannot possibly face humanity without stickers. I'll be back tomorrow once I've bought more.

10.) Someone is being hateful, and I want to spit lemon juice in their eye and run away like a child instead of confronting them and making peace like an adult. I'll be back tomorrow once I've grown up or gotten over it.

**1 Don't get me wrong. On occasion, hatefulness leaks out. But I guarantee you... the guilt and sadness of post-hatefulness is so not worth it.

UPDATE: I originally penned this at lunchtime. I specifically waited until afternoon break to re-read, tidy up the edges and then post. I'm happy to say that, while I'm still not pleased with how this situation has played out, I'm not about to confront anyone. I've resigned myself to the fact that, sometimes, hateful people are just hateful. I'm not going to have a world full of adoring fans - even Santa Claus has to deal with disbelievers. If he can do it (and stay jolly all the while), I've got nothing to complain about.

By tomorrow, it's all going to be okay.

Sociability

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

To Individuals Who Are Prone To Social Unhelpfulness

Proximity is nine tenths of the law.

(Or something like that.)

I mean, when you're a child, the closest kid to the empty candy dish is the kid likely to receive the blame.

Likewise, the adult who's standing closest to a guest ought to practice a modicum of hospitality instead of walking straight past them, ignoring them completely in favor of secreting ones self away in a cubby hole and calling someone else to take care of them.

Sure, there are (on rare occasions) exceptions to the rule.

For instance, when the Jehovah's Witnesses knock on my door at 10:00 on a Saturday morning, I run like hell to hide my naked self**1 in the back corner of the kitchen while Boyfriend of Amazingness is left to spin a tale of how I left him heartbroken and alone to go join a gypsy circus.

But we know these Witness folks. And despite our best efforts of ignorance (and our pleas for them to practice the same), they continue to descend upon our domicile.

However, when one doesn't anticipate or know who the guests are, one must at least make an effort.

Now, I recognize that the world is filled to brimming with individuals who have a little trouble with interaction. And while, for the most part, I support the avoidance of discomfort-inducing activities, there are times when discomfort is secondary to the necessity of communication.**2

Thusly, for those non-social types (and anyone wishing to brush up on their basic skills of interaction), I hope to present this helpful hint:

Sunny Smiles' Guide to Practicing Hospitality

Instead of this...

"There's someone waiting for help at ______. [Regular Greeter] isn't here yet and someone needs to come find out what they want."

... I instead offer this option:

"[Visitors] from [company] are here. I wanted to let you know, since [regular greeter] isn't here yet and you're a wonderfully helpful person who I think can take care of this situation. I had them take a seat in the waiting area, but it would be a help if you could come get them to their final destination."

If someone is standing there, Reader Friend, talk to them. I promise, society as a whole isn't quite so scary as you think. And they're even less scary if you (brace yourself for this...) help them. Then they aren't quite so inclined to stare pointedly at you - or worse, attempt to communicate with you*3... - as you walk by pretending that they don't exist.

It's crazy, but it works.

And maybe, someday, someone will help you without being asked. It's like a big helpful circle.

But it's gotta start somewhere.

Why not with you?

RaYD,

Sunny

**1  Yes, that's right. I'm an actively practicing member of the Naked Saturday club.

**2 Sometimes I gotta kill me a spider. Sometimes you gotta talk to someone you don't know. If it helps, you can hold your shoe in your hand while you do it. It works for me.

**2 ADDENDUM: Do not hit the guest with your shoe. That's the opposite of helpful.

**3 The horror...

Impossibilities

So, something fascinating happened when I took off the creative blinders and opened this blog to my whole life, instead of focusing upon my work life...

I had too many things to write about.

Seriously - it's like this faucet is turned on in my brain, and there are so many ideas burbling around that I'm likely to spring a leak.**1

But as these ideas burble around, it's hard to focus on one or another so I can write about it and entertain you as thoroughly as I ought.

Which leads me to this:

My second prompted blog post.**2

Name up to six impossible things you believe in.

There is a quote about impossibility that I saw when I was a freshman in high school English class. My teacher had it posted on her wall:

"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live the world they have been given, rather than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It is an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It is a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing."     - Muhammad Ali

I remember it being visually striking because it was printed boldly on a poster with a greyed-out picture of a small sailboat riding this angry wave on the ocean. It struck me so deeply that I flipped to the back page of my notebook and started a page just for quotes to inspire that teenage me.**3

Upon reading this prompt and starting to put my thoughts together, this quote immediately came to mind. What beliefs do I hold that others might consider to be an impossibility?


Age is just a number.

Although this adage is popular to share, it's not focused upon with the intent I believe it deserves. It's tossed out by individuals who appear to have allowed their age to take hold of their lives and mandate their actions, and wish a quick go-to quote to make them appear less concerned than they really are.

In my world, age is a number. It isn't a definition. I label myself biologically as a twenty-four year old. Consciously I'm in my early thirties. Subconsciously I'm around eight. The numbers are inconsequential - what matters is what I do with them. I work hard, and achieve. I unwind with Disney movies after running through my accounts. My age doesn't dictate what I wear, what I do or who I am.


The spirit of Santa Claus is real.

At Christmastime, religious folk start discussing "miracles." A woman with three kids and no job receives an anonymous donation of gifts for her children. An orphaned child finds a forever home. A stray dog is reunited with its owner.

Although it's wonderful to consider that a supreme being is looking down and orchestrating these actions, it feels more realistic to me to consider that there's a spark inside each of us that really is the "Spirit of the Season." A Santa Claus on the inside, of sorts, who leads people to make kinder decisions and pay closer attention to the world and the people around them.


Humans, like pit bulls, are innately good.

The other day, I stumbled across a quote from more than twenty years ago by a much younger Denis Leary that really struck me:

"Racism isn't born, folks. It's taught. I have a two year old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list."

This is absolutely, 110% true. Children must be taught that skin color, religion, gender or socioeconomic status is a basis for regard of another human. They don't know how to judge their fellow individuals any more than they know how to tie their shoes when they're dropped onto the planet. Hatred is a decision, and it's always an option to say "No, I choose kindness."


Today, it will be impossible for me to sprout wings and fly away. It will be impossible for me to kiss my Daddy's forehead. It will be impossible for me to give birth to a yak.

Just about everything else I can dream... I can do.

Just about everything.

**1 I told Boyfriend of Amazingness earlier this week that my brain was so busy it had started to leak out of my ear. He said "Hmm...," rolled over and fell back to sleep. He was obviously so perturbed that he couldn't bear the thought and put it straight out of his mind.

**2 I'm actually quite enjoying them. Don't judge.

**3 Also inspiring to teenage me: Disney movies and Tim McGraw. I was a teensy bit impressionable, and I didn't seem to care where the impression came from.

Reflections

Recent ramblings about the city have led to some pretty fascinating discussions between my walking compatriot and myself.

As I mentioned previously, walking invigorates a creative part of the mind. Your body engages, you're propelling yourself forward without much thought**1 and your mind is left to ponder some deep ponderings.

Earlier this week, as we were strolling nonchalantly along, our conversation turned to Youthful Contemplations of 'What If.'

We agreed that, for both of us, there were individuals who shaped our lives by being in them and being themselves. Their positive impact was indirect: through watching their struggles, we decided to follow different paths.

Perhaps you've had this happen to yourself.

Somewhere in your life, there might be an Eeyore.

Photo Credit - Etsy, The Rekindled Page

You know what I mean - someone who isn't terribly upsetting to be around, but who just can't seem to see the bright side for the difficult hand they've been dealt.

As a young up-and-comer in the business world, I remember clearly when I met my first Eeyore. She was having a difficult time with her husband, her oldest child was being a monster and she felt trapped in her job and her life. At the time, I thought "So, scoot! Get the hell out of dodge, and find what makes you happy!"

Ah, youth.

So full of answers.**2

Unfortunately, it took many years before I realized that "Get The Hell Out of Dodge" just isn't an option for most Eeyores. They might as well be handcuffed in a closet when they get home at night - they're physically stuck, and cannot be unrooted.

But this stuck isn't a product of their surroundings.

It's a product of their insides.

How many times have you thought "Heck yeah, I'm gonna dye my hair/have popcorn for dinner/join the circus!" just to have that thought dashed by an angry stormcloud of brain-turmoil bubbling in with a veritable rainstorm of "What If's?"

What if I dye my hair and I look silly?
What if my boyfriend doesn't like my new look?
What if? What if? What if?

What if I have popcorn for dinner, and then don't have time for breakfast so I'll be hungry all day?
What if I eat all the popcorn and then my friend calls me to go out for a real dinner?
What if? What if? What if?

These what if's can strangle a body. And strangling is just gross.

But I've found myself in more than one unfortunate What If situation recently. Which made this conversation all the more interesting as it progressed.

Because inevitably, we reached the point where we pondered how our Eeyore's resigned themselves to their fates.

When did they give up, and allow themselves to stay in crappy situations because the What If's were scarier than the What Currently Is's?**3

What if I'm settling into that same routine?

I'm stronger than that. I see what's happening, and it's time that my what if's take a back seat.

I got a life to get on with.

Do you?

**1 Much to the chagrin of passing motorists who are trying to keep you from adorning their front bumper...

**2 The little shits.

**3 Yeah... I know. That's not a clean word. It feels funny. But it's the only way to say what I'm trying to say.

Throw It Out

"It's hard to hold on to negativity when you're tossing it out through your boobs."

I said this today, after a particularly awesome dance class.

After yesterday's adventures in melancholy,**1 I was thrilled today to have the opportunity to indulge in my favorite lunchtime shenanigan: Shimmies!

I've mentioned before that there's a dance studio across the street from my office, which offers a fantastic course on Wednesdays at Lunchtime called "Lunchtime Shimmy." It's a beginner belly dance class, structured by the teacher around the students who are there each week, and focusing on simple moves that can be layered and upgraded in challenging-ness depending on student ability. I really enjoy it for the social aspect, the getting-out-of-the-office, and the literal shaking-up of the workday humdrums.

Today was a focus on what a previous dance teacher called "Chest Smiles." While maintaining your head and your lower body in a stationary stance, move your ribcage from side to side, swooping upwards at each outside edge (essentially in the shape of a smile). It's a small, focused movement. And even while not actively seeking out belly dance classes to take, that's a movement I drilled often because it strengthens the troublesome muscles in my back.

I was excited today when the teacher asked me to put a twist on the move - A move aligned with the stylings of Fifi Abdou, with her high energy and charisma - and "fling" my chest skyward at the outside of each move. What I found is that it's impossible to do the move without projecting energy... And the energy I had to send out was negative.

But here's the awesome thing about expelling negative energy: Without additional negativity surrounding you, you're not going to be able to keep feeding that emotion. You're going to purge the negative, and take in what you've got around you. And, in the case of an energized, upbeat dance class... what I had to take in was most uplifting, indeed.

I returned to work with an amplified smile on my (admittedly somewhat sweaty) face, and a spring in my (admittedly somewhat tired) step. And it bubbled me through the rest of my day.

Be happy, my friends.

**1 Right down to an alarming fit of The Leaks, all inclusive with snot and facial drippage. Most inconvenient for me, and downright unsettling for Boyfriend of Amazingness, who thought I was adversely reacting to his request for a foot rub.

Just A Dab'll Do...

I'm not really good at cliches.

I blame the English professor my first year of community college. He took one glance at my writing - once highly regarded by the teachers in my small-town high school, where I took high honors courses and finished my entire high school curriculum by the time I completed my junior year - and declared that I wouldn't have an ounce of substance in my essay if it weren't for the cliches.

(I'm not sure what the hell his problem was. For a writing professor, he was a creative nobody with a serious case of self importance. Which was totally ironic.)

Anyway... I try not to use cliches. (I still use them constantly, but I try not to.)

But today, one sprang readily to mind as I was accosted on the street for money.

"You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

My Fair City is full of people who've fallen on hard times. The sidewalks are cluttered with the styrofoam cups that the local soup kitchen uses to dole out morning coffee. Street corners are jam-packed with panhandlers, each trying to make their living with their cardboard signs. Some are cliched ("Homeless Vet, please help, God bless..."), some are less so ("Not homeless, just a daddy trying to make ends meet...") and some are the judgemental crap that you expect ("God is watching."). They're all there. Sometimes even competing on the same corners. It's a mess.

After their shift during the morning commute and their stop at the food pantry, the huddled masses are left to stroll the streets until people start coming outside for lunch.

And today being a balmy day here in the Frozen North, they were out in droves.

I watched a few picking through trash cans as I walked to the local soupery for my lunch.

I saw a couple hanging out at a corner, fighting misery by making company.

But one woman was trolling.

These are the individuals who walk up to passersby and request assistance.

Now I have my little rant that I launch into when I think about homelessness. Product of a broken system, where's the real help when you need it, blah-blah-blah. I won't bore you with that here.

The point is, I'm not thriving myself. I'm scraping by. Boyfriend of Amazingness and I have our little system that keeps us afloat without anyone sinking into the abyss of financial despair, but there isn't a whole lot to smear around for anything else. A couple bucks to the food pantry, some dollars to a local kids group... but not much.

So when I'm faced with situations like this, I'm not typically able to help.

In fact, most of the time I don't even have cash. I just have my little debit card with a few bucks to get me by.

Which means that, when I'm accosted, the best I can do is tell the truth:

"I'm sorry honey. I don't have anything."

Today was just like that.

The Troller walked up to me, hand brazenly outstretched as she said "You got anything for me?" I squared my shoulders as proudly as I could, feeling like spineless scum**1 as I said "I'm sorry, honey. I don't ha..."

It was at this point when the woman jutted her hand forward more firmly and interrupted me with a beligerent "I'm hungry."

And she said it with a glare.

The woman was trying to bully me into financial assistance.

It was so much easier to walk away, knowing that she couldn't catch this particular fly with the vinegar she was putting out there. I still hope she found her lunch... but she wasn't going to get it that way. Not from me.

**1 One of the difficulties of trying to be a kindhearted person is that you cannot always be kind. Sometimes you have to be selfish, or you'll end up spending your lunch money on someone else's lunch, and then you'll go home hungry. You cannot help others before you help yourself.

Easy to Please

An important part of my job to be as helpful as I can.

Today, that helpfulness was practiced as an individual came in unannounced and requested an audience with an EngineerFriend.

As the regular Receptionist was just coming back from her lunch break, I was able to take the message to the aforementioned EngineerFriend myself. He was walking down the hallway as I grabbed him and said “So-And-So is here to see you. Would you like to see him, or are you busy?” As he considered his response, he kept walking. I stopped him and said “The gentleman is just outside this door. Might I suggest, if you’re busy, that you don’t walk into his sightlines before brushing him off?” EngineerFriend laughed and regarded his associate, with whom he had been walking. “She’s pretty good!” The associate – who had been my boss in a former lifetime – laughed and said “It’s just one more service she offers.”

If all it takes to appease these masses is a grin and a touch of helpful attitude, I’ve got them licked.

Too Important

Let me tell you a little something about people who declare themselves "Too Important:"

Their existence is pondersome to me.

(And when I say pondersome... I mean that it makes me wonder why they're a necessary part of society.)

For instance, I was told by a dancer during the run of a local show I worked with that he was "too important" to assist with a costume. His narcissism was almost inspiring... or, at least, it would have been if he wasn't so Godawful frustrating. While it played to his strengths onstage, and made him appear to be fantastically cast for his part, most of the crew knew that he wasn't acting outside of his normal living range to plumb the self-important depths of his role.

Meanwhile, in the other parts of my world:

Public Service Announcement

Fellow Humans: I appreciate all that you do. You each have your own important part to play in making this world spin roundy-round, and in return for your efforts, I offer you my thanks.

However, the self-importance is something we should chat about.

You are not so highly regarded or so thoroughly needed that I'll walk on eggshells when you do something insensitive.

Which is why your attitude can be checked at the door when I request that you follow basic health and safety courtesy upon regarding a communal candy dish. It isn't "uncalled for" for me to request that you use the scoop already placed in the bucket 'o treats. What's uncalled for is your nonchalance regarding my reaction to your wrist-deep plunge into the goodies. It's flu season, sweet cheeks, and I don't know where your germs have been. Keep your paws out of my chocolatey goodness.

RaYD,

Sunny

Fish Gotta Swim, Birds Gotta Fly...

And sometimes, grumpy old women just need to find the negative in everything that is said.

Today I find myself struggling not to be angry with my local GOW, but instead just trying to give her a wide berth.

No, ReaderFriend... practicing kindness instead doesn't seem to be doing the trick.

You see... this woman can find negativity in a compliment. (Or, barring her discovery of any existing negativity, she'll create some by twisting your words to suit her means.)

And then she portrays you as a monster to people who cannot possibly get a different view of the story.

Which means that, despite your best efforts and your tireless attempts to be a kind person... Somewhere out there is a group of people who just don't care to see you that way.

Their minds will not be changed, so don't waste energy trying...

Instead, save that energy and put it towards someone who will be touched by kindness.

But do spare just a moment to acknowledge how dark and lonely the world must be for people who chose to live in that shroud of negativity.

I just can't imagine making that choice.

SO:

Instead of wallowing in self-pity about being portrayed as an evil shmuck, I'll instead wish you all a Happy Post-Christmas Day Of Recovery. I hope you have minimal sugar crashes, naps aplenty and lots of new toys to keep you amused.

And, if you had to go to work today (like I did...), I hope that you at least got to wear a cool new tee-shirt that someone got you as a gift.



Thank you for my new shirt, Seester!
(And the ThinkGeek that made it possible.)