Mmm-Hmm...

I woke up this morning with a crick in my neck.

What a pain.

Not because I can't tip my head to the right to hold the phone while I type...

Not because I can't roll my head around to alleviate the strain of holding up my amazing brainpan as I gawk at the computer...

Not even because I have to begin all upper body movements from just below my shoulderblades...**1

No.

This is a pain, because as soon as I realize I have a crick in my neck, I immediately think of the song "Crick In My Neck" by a popular Country/Rap performer named Cowboy Troy.

And it's unfortunately catchy.

Which is why I'm sharing it here with you!

"Crick In My Neck"**2

Enjoy, my ReaderFriends. And thank you for sharing my pain.

**1 I look like an owl, only less awesome.
**2 It pains me to use a link not generated directly by the artist. However, he doesn't seem to have this song on his stream. So... we'll use this.

Carry the One

There are a lot of lessons I learned in school that I never thought I would use, but do on a regular basis:

* A "Please?" will get you farther than a <push>.

* Punctuation changes everything.

* Asking to use the restroom.

There are also a lot of lessons that were drilled so deeply that I thought I would never break free of them, but find myself lacking in any real-world scenarios in which to apply them:

* Solving for X and Y.

* Diagramming sentences.

* The names of the counties in my state, set to a catchy tune.**

But one concept that I have been growing out of since my graduations (I say "s" because I start to regress after graduation, and then get better when I enroll in another program) is Carrying the One.

I have *always* had a soft spot for math. In first grade, my teacher played an April Fool's prank on us and handed out third-grade multiplication sheets for us to struggle with. After handing them out everyone laughed and she started collecting them again. Much to my chagrin, she took mine back after I had finished the first three questions already, and was steaming forward (I got very upset). After I had finished my math courses for college, I would find myself seeking out empty classrooms where I knew math was taught, hoping for some series of equations on the board for me to play with in my notebook. It's just that crunching numbers gives me a thrill - knowing that, in the end, you will always find an irrefutable answer that will not change despite the tests of time and the wonkiness of language. (Despite this fact, Engineering is simply not the field for me. You know where you stand with numbers. With Engineers... notsomuch.)

However, I do attempt - as a grown up - to do most math in my head. Large columns of numbers get tallied on paper. Decimal places get double checked on a calculator. But simple addition is usually straightforward and easy for me.

Which is why I found it odd, while working through some redlines for a Dear EngineerFriend today, to come across this:

At first I thought it was a writing issue. Sometimes EngineerFriends can have some pretty wonky handwriting, and it just gets difficult to decipher what they're trying to say. Easily fixed, I simply tracked down another co-worker who works with this particular EngineerFriend on a regular type of basis and asked her thoughts on the matter. After a short pause, she looked at me and said:

"He carried the one."

More pause (on my part) before I said 

"I'm sorry?"

"He carried the one. You know. Like math class."

We all giggled as realization dawned. I toddled back to my desk and immediately sat down with a smile that someone so high on the proverbial food chain still follows the rules he learned as a six-year-old.

And suddenly, the whole day seemed a little Sunnier.

**

(Set to "Yankee Doodle")

The sixteen counties in our state are               (Yankee Doodle went to town)

Cumberland and Franklin                                (Riding on a pony)

Piscataquis and Kennebec                             (Stuck a feather in his hat)

Oxford, Androscoggin.                                   (And called it Macaroni.)

Waldo, Washington and York                         (Yankee Doodle, keep it up)

Lincoln, Knox and Hancock                            (Yankee Doodle Dandy)

Sagadahoc and Somerset                              (Yankee Doodle, keep it up)

Aroostook and Penobscot!                             (And to the girls be handy!)

I Turn The Music Up... I Got My Records On...

Ah... Another quiet Friday afternoon in the office.

(She says nonchalantly, as though she hasn't just spent the last two hours ripping her hair out from boredom.)

Quiet Friday afternoons aren't horrible. Usually they can be almost pleasant, if the appropriate mix of snack and game and music can be reached (and if that pesky phone doesn't ring... Which is my other complaint this afternoon. It's actually been busy with calls for people who went home already. "Sorry, Client, that particular employee said 'Screw This' an hour and a half ago and left no forwarding address. I suggest holding your question until Monday, and going for a beer instead... Because I guarantee that's what Employee did.")  to minimize my boredom. 

But today was not that day. I've been antsy and fidgety and less than productive for a whole lot of hot, miserable hours in an office I would vacate were it not for its orgasmic air-conditioning. So I had to find a way to cope.

My method of choice today relied heavily upon music. Unfortunately,I was rocking out to the radio when I realized that I had it turned up a little loud. I realized this when that famous song came on that got me in trouble not too long ago:

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, But chains and whips excite me." 

Cue a lecherous EngineerFriend who comes toddling around the corner, wide-eyed and springy-stepped to ask what's going on with a "wicked grin." (His words. <eye roll and sigh> Not going there.)

So I shut the radio off (after cussing at it a little for getting me into that situation in the first place) and decided to google "Office Appropriate Music."

And got PILES of hits.

(Apparently I'm not the only ignorant schmuck who has been caught busting a move behind her desk.)

There have been oodles of studies revolving around Office-Friendly Tune-age. And here's the basis of what I've found:

* If you work in an office (anywhere boring, really, which bases itself on client service), you have two options: light, airy, classical drivel; or silence.

*If you work anywhere else (anywhere equally boring but less client-oriented), you have two options: headphones, or silence.

* There will ALWAYS be someone who prefers to listen to country. (Thank goodness it's that and not Christian Screamo. Yes, it exists. Count your lucky stars and be grateful that you don't know about it.)

* It is almost never appropriate to listen to music with lyrics in a client-oriented space. You risk offending someone with a lyric that comes out of nowhere, or leaving someone out of a genre they don't know/understand/give-a-crap-about.

Which is all fine and dandy with me, I suppose. I'm not particularly a fan of the classical drivel, but every once in a while I do get caught air-conducting Tchaikovsky's The Nutcracker Suite. And it *is* nice to know that there is a standard I should be meeting... Even though my own desk has a propensity towards announcing its sadomasochism.

P.S. - I would love to cite the information here specifically, but it's all basically the same no matter what website you pull up. So, to make it more exciting, google "Office Appropriate Music" and see what hits you get. But make sure to check out http://www.externaldesign.com/office-music-in-the-workplace.html. That one was my favorite, and had the greatest wealth of information.