I go down swinging, taking snot-drenched swipes at my illness and hoping that one of my pot-shots will stick, knocking it out of contention before it drags me into the Unwell Abyss.
Never mind that they almost never work... When I start feeling that I'm losing the good fight for my health, I immediately launch into this protocol:
List of Things That Will Almost Certainly Restore Her Healthometer Immediately After She Starts To Feel Sick
- Drinking water like it's her job. Germs can't take hold if they're busy floating around in a body full of water.
- Eating the spiciest food she can palate. Germs don't like chili or those chocolate bars with little peppers in them.
- Wearing a hat. Germs cannot root in a noggin that is swaddled in fuzzy comfort.
- Showering obsessively. Germs can be washed off. Still feel sick? Scrub harder.
- Doing chores. Germs will admit defeat if the illness-getter can prove that they're too busy to be sick.
- Hourly shots of orange juice. Germs will bow down to excessive Vitamin C intake.
- [If orange juice doesn't work,] Odwalla smoothies with 1500% of daily Vitamin C. Again, germs can't handle the stuff. It burns them into submission.
- Not actually saying "I feel sick." Germs can sense weakness. Never give up! Never surrender! And don't let them hear you say (or think) that they're winning.