Monday, December 31, 2012

Tick, Tock...

Ready for a cliche-filled, long-drawn-out rambling about the past year?
No... me neither. Usually they're boring and full of yawn.
But I feel like I oughta. So I'm gonna.
Come along for the ride if you care to. If you don't...
Well, if you don't, I'll leave you here with a Happy New Year to You! I promise to be witty and charming (and concise) next time.
I don't even remember the start of 2012. I remember that I wrote a blog post to commemorate the turning of the calendar, but what I wrote in it currently escapes me. Probably something profound. But I'm trying to be inspired here, so I'm not going to look back at it for fear of cross-pollinating inspiration. That would be a mess. And would probably make someone sneeze.
But I do remember my resolution:
(Super short resolutions are awesomely rememberable like that.)
In 2011, I had cast aside my typical tradition of writing out a long list of accomplishments I was 97.4% positive I wouldn't see through to fruition. I didn't emptily promise myself to find yoga classes to attend. I didn't think I would buckle down and make myself clean or cook more often. I didn't even endeavor to make more money.
What I did in 2011 was decide to Follow my Bliss.
In 2012, I tried to follow that by Sharing my Sparkle.
In the beginning of the year, it meant that I was going to try to be positive and upbeat no matter what came my way.
As the year trudged along, I found myself spending a great deal of it feeling downtrodden and putupon. So sharing a sparkle seemed ever so difficult.
Sometimes I could only share a sparkle by wearing one. A glittery belly dance costume. A shiny pair of earrings. Sometimes that was all I had.
Sometimes I had a smile to share. A joke or a laugh to sprinkle over my friends.
And sometimes my insides did take on an effervescence and my inside light shone through.
But it was difficult.
(Much more difficult than following my bliss, which I also continued to do.)
Here's the thing about difficulty, though - If you focus your way through it, you feel pretty awesome at the end of it all.
I'll be the first to tell you that I didn't do a wonderful job of sharing the little light I've got inside as frequently as one ought to - especially one who set out at the beginning of the year with no other goal in mind. But I'll also tell you that I tried, and that I'm pretty sure I brightened the world even just a little with that effort.
Which seems to me like a job well done.
So now, I'll indulge in a self-congratulatory cuppycake as I add to my list of Simple Instructions for a Better Me.
I waffled about a couple of different options. I considered "Make Do," where I would spend the next twelve months buckling down and making sure that I didn't do anything frivolously. Don't take a dance class if you have the information already and can use it at home for free. Don't go out to dinner when you have leftovers in the fridge. Don't buy a present when you can make something of equal worth with the added benefit of your own love.
But that also meant cutting out some things that I've only started to do recently: Making sure I take care of myself as much as I endeavor to take care of those around me.
NOTE: Buying new clothes isn't a frivolity, if you've worn holes in your jeans and your patches need patches. It also isn't a frivolity if you aren't dressed for whatever occasion you're headed out for. For instance: Sometimes you really DO need a new dress.

Nonetheless, I would feel frivolous if I set a goal for myself and immediately had to break it.
So I tossed "Make Do" out the window. Maybe another year.
I thought about "Buckle Down." Much like "Make Do," it focused on really digging in to what I have, instead of bubbling onward for more.
So, for the same reasons, I sent "Buckle Down" on its merry way as well.
Which left me thinking about the pieces of those resolutions that I did need to hold on to, in order to keep trucking happily towards the better Me that I can be (while not totally discrediting the Me that already is, who is totally fantastic and worth getting to know).
Which led me to my end-of-the-year Revelation On Which I Need To Focus.
Over the next twelve months, I will be doing my damndest to:
Take the Time.
This was such a busy year. The past holiday season has really highlighted the fact that I've been scrambling through, trying to do everything to the best that it could be done, and failing miserably more than half the time.
In dance, I didn't practice nearly as often as I should have. I could have spent just a few extra hours a week in the studio, cleaning up what I know and working through what I don't so I can keep moving forward in this art form that I'm really connecting with.
In my home, I didn't clean up or do laundry nearly as often as I needed to. As a result, my home was often untidy and my Boyfriend of Amazingness was left to do two residents' worth of chores just to keep the house running.
At work, I made more than one mistake because I was rushing through tasks, jumping from one to the next.
My friends, my family and my love spent more time than I care to admit being pushed to the back burner as I worked frantically on other projects instead of spending time with them.
And my own health suffered from time to time, as I neglected to focus on myself. Either through dance, through cleaning or even through putting pen to paper... I missed so many opportunities to focus on myself and connect with Who I Am.
So, through the coming year, my intent will be to Take The Time.
In dance, I will take the time to practice and focus on what I DO know, instead of rushing out to absorb new knowledge at the risk of losing what I've already not focused upon.
In my home, I will take the time to tidy up the dishes immediately following a meal, and I'll run a load of laundry as soon as the dirty clothes basket is full.
At work, I will focus on each task as it presents itself, in order to complete them thoroughly and not have to waste time returning to them for hastily made mistakes.
I'm going to take the time to write. Maybe not every day. Maybe not things that make sense, or words in a recognizable language. But I'll tap my keys, twirl my pen and put thoughts down just as often as I can.
My friends and family will find themselves burdened more regularly with my presence for meals together.
My Boyfriend of Amazingness will be sick of me after I'm through taking the time to appreciate all that he does.
And, damn it all, I'm going to take the time to say "No" once in a while. It's okay to turn down an opportunity if something I love is going to suffer for it.
Even if that means saying "No" to myself and my self-imposed restrictions. Dish-doing comes second to time-spent-with-loved-ones. Sometimes you just have to.
2012, it's been a wild ride. Best wishes for whatever lies ahead of you... which is probably a short drop and a sudden stop.
2013... Bring it on, honey. We've got an adventure ahead.
Happy New Year, ReaderFriends! I hope it's as full as it can be of all the wonderful things that make your life so special. I hope that you have time with family, time with friends and time for yourself. I hope you treasure every moment and that you live it up as if the next apocolypse will be the real one. Make the most of it!

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Fish Gotta Swim, Birds Gotta Fly...

And sometimes, grumpy old women just need to find the negative in everything that is said.

Today I find myself struggling not to be angry with my local GOW, but instead just trying to give her a wide berth.

No, ReaderFriend... practicing kindness instead doesn't seem to be doing the trick.

You see... this woman can find negativity in a compliment. (Or, barring her discovery of any existing negativity, she'll create some by twisting your words to suit her means.)

And then she portrays you as a monster to people who cannot possibly get a different view of the story.

Which means that, despite your best efforts and your tireless attempts to be a kind person... Somewhere out there is a group of people who just don't care to see you that way.

Their minds will not be changed, so don't waste energy trying...

Instead, save that energy and put it towards someone who will be touched by kindness.

But do spare just a moment to acknowledge how dark and lonely the world must be for people who chose to live in that shroud of negativity.

I just can't imagine making that choice.


Instead of wallowing in self-pity about being portrayed as an evil shmuck, I'll instead wish you all a Happy Post-Christmas Day Of Recovery. I hope you have minimal sugar crashes, naps aplenty and lots of new toys to keep you amused.

And, if you had to go to work today (like I did...), I hope that you at least got to wear a cool new tee-shirt that someone got you as a gift.

Thank you for my new shirt, Seester!
(And the ThinkGeek that made it possible.)

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Madness! The Horror!

Not really.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not at all surprised that I haven't posted in 12 days. (That's very festive of me. 12 is a big thing this season.)

Here's what I have accomplished, in no particular order (and not at all a complete record):


* I successfully repossesed my home from the sparkly garments of a local show I costumed.

* I successfully arranged said garments in a fashion that didn't impede my dancers as they got themselves onto the stage night after night.

* I successfully arrived at the theater on time each night and completed each task that needed completing. (OF NOTE: This wouldn't have happened without my fantastic support crew. TD Gnome, you are most thoroughly thanked.)

* I found a Christmas tree with Boyfriend of Amazingness, got it to stand up and remembered to water it before it turned brown and died. (Well... died more. It was dead as soon as we cut it down.) We even got it decorated.

* I found and printed out Christmas cards of acceptable sparkle-without-having-glitter.


* I successfully kept a level head throughout all of tech week for the dance show, without being a party to any major meltdowns. (Read: there were no major meltdowns to be a party to. There were hardly even any minor meltdowns. I was so proud!)

* I made it through a dance party for opening night of the dance show, where I shook my groove thang on the dance floor until the wee hours of the morning. (Of note because I've resisted the urge to take the dance floor since high school. It just felt weird... But I'm glad I broke that drought. It was totally worth it for the happy picture of me with BofA, Lighting Guy and my Amazingly Fantastic Producer letting the stress of the past three months go out on the dance floor.)

* I made it through the party the following night for cast and crew, where I managed to stay on the sober side of tipsy and then get my Designated Driver on and see my friends safely home.

* I managed to only miss one dance class due to my own scheduling conflicts. (Although I was planning to miss last night's, but it was cancelled before I got a chance to not show up, so I don't think it counts.)


* I successfully put on my big girl panties and dealt with it after a doctor's appointment I had been dreading was postponed for a week due to my doctor's absence for the birth of one of her other patient's babies. I even managed to pull together some happy thoughts for the family.**1

* I took a nap every day during the weekend.

* I actually ate a meal that was cooked at home.

* I managed not to completely lose my marbles when I stepped in poop in my brand new opening night gala shoes.

I still need to finish the show. Then I need to pack up everything and get it back to where it belongs. I may even have to do some laundry.

I need to clean my home for the holidays, just in case anyone comes over to visit. Without the costumes there, I don't have an excuse for its untidiness.

I need to make cookies and candies for the assorted goody baskets I try to give out to friends who are worthy of gifts but I don't want to spend money on.

Hell... I still need to finish Christmas shopping. I need to fill out and mail my cards. I need to start finding Who Pudding for the feast. With a week to go until the big day, that in itself can be a nightmare.

But I'm keeping my head up. I can totally do this.

From me to you:

Festive Holiday-Of-Choice, ReaderFriend.
I hope it's full of all good things.
All good things, and pie.
 **1 Updated: The doctor's appointment turned out to be okie-dokie. Yeah, it was touch-and-go for a little while, after I passed out... but I came to just fine, and got to spend a weekend on the couch eating cookies and snuggling with Boyfriend of Amazingness. Not to worry, ReaderFriends - I'm not going anywhere.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Sunny's Top Ten Buzzwords...

...that send her into an automatic, irreversable, hot-headed, fire-breathing, blood-boiling  rage:

* That's not my problem.

* Don't worry about it.

* Chill out.

* You don't understand.

* Don't go there with me.

* What's your problem?

* Just take care of it.

* I can't...

* You have to...

* Whatever.

And when I cool my head down, stop my nasal steaming and I've brought myself down to a healthy simmer... I'll give you the witty background and even some helpful ways around Poking The Beast. Which would be particularly helpful for the knucklehead who has aimed nine of these ten terms in my direction over the past three days.

But for today... I will stay mad.

And offer you this tidbit:

Public Service Announcement to Today's Local Asshole:

No one should ever be a face breather. It's gross.

But it's even more gross when you're a smoker.

In addition, fuck you.

Without Any Respect Whatsoever (Which Is Still More Than You Showed Me),