Thinkasaurus

So, ReaderFriends, this is a new sort of post for me.

I actually put these words together yesterday as I lay in bed, because I had such a difficult time falling asleep. Although I've gone through and touched up the verbage - either because it was late at night and my words didn't quite make sense, or because autocorrect had its way with my writing - the essence is still the same.

I'm considering this an interesting adventure in creation - I don't know what point I had in mind as I was trying to will myself to sleep, but perhaps going through this exercise will help me remember... and perhaps have a more restful night tonight.

I'm writing this from the touch pad of my phone as I lay in bed tonight.
It's twenty past ten and although I've got the auto-dim feature turned on to keep my phone from glowing like the moon, I'm pretty sure the light is keeping Boyfriend of Amazingness awake so I shall keep it brief.

I had a snack tonight of chocolate chips in a champagne glass. Although it tasted lovely and worked quite fabulously to soothe my PMS-ing self**1, I'm pretty sure I'm as cranked as a kid on Halloween now. My proof: I've been in bed for an hour, and my mind is spinning like a top.**2

I've read my book, but turned off the light so BofA could rest because he's totally pooped. I played with my hair. I got up and filled the humidifier and then turned it on so there could be a little white noise and hopefully grant him some relief from his snoring. Now I'm back in bed, and I'm still a thinkasaurus.

I took a test from Harvard about how well I can tell facial expressions based only upon a person's eyes. Note: they didn't give me the real answers, and that upset me. But I got the practice question wrong, so maybe I don't want to know how I did.

I surfed my favorite social media site for anything interesting that might be happening. The son of a friend just bought a house, and I read about their renovations. It has me a little sad about our own house and how it's not ready for us yet.

Mostly I'm thinking about mortality. It's an important think for me because of life situations, but still one that leaves me feeling unsettled. As I think it through, though, I realize how inane it is for me to fixate. What about mortality can I control in the slightest? My family is a healthy folk. Smokers and heavy drinkers we are not. I eat well. I exercise. I do what I can, and therefore don't have a say in the world over what happens tomorrow.

Well, ReaderFriends, that wasn't particularly enlightening. I remember being terribly upset because I was thinking about death. Not my own, per se, but the passing of people around me.

But as I muddled it over and over, I realized that it's pretty pointless to worry about death. To worry about what might happen if someone doesn't come home from work tomorrow or if their next car ride is their last will leave me only with a sense of dread whenever a loved one departs from my immediate presence. Isn't it a healthier practice, instead, to focus attention intentionally upon making the precious time spent together that much more worthwhile? Then, when the inevitable finally does descend, I'm prepared with an arsenal of positive, happy memories to tide me through my grief.

I'm feeling more peaceful - and more sleepy - already.

**1 Sorry... that might be an overshare. But I don't want you wondering "Sunny, why are you eating chocolate chips out of a champagne glass when they so obviously fit better in a cookie? I needed a more direct vessel, ReaderFriends. I would have taken them intravenously if I had the means.

**2 It never occurred to me as I lay there in bed that the cup of coffee I had at 3:30 in the afternoon might have had something to do with my state-of-awakedness.