Vagaries

Dear Random Caller,

I appreciate that it can be frustrating to see a call come in and be unable to answer it, but then not receive a voicemail. See, as the operator of a switchboard, handling that is kind of my job. So I get it. Really. 

So I feel comfortable explaining that, if someone calls you and then doesn't leave a voicemail, you need not call them back.

No. No exceptions. That's all there is to it - They don't bother to leave you a message, you don't waste your time tracking them down. Ta da!

Now I know it's tempting. You might be able to actually find the person who called you and have a terribly fulfilling conversation.

But I can almost guarantee that's what won't happen.

What will happen is that you'll reach my switchboard, where you'll promptly make your statement: "Someone called me from this number, and didn't leave a voicemail."

And I'll respond with "I'm sorry, but this is a switchboard." I could connect you with any of one hundred and sixty employees within this building based on the information you provided.

Now, this can go one of three ways.

The first optional response from you is my ideal: "Oh. I guess I'll just wait and see if they call back, then." No muss, no fuss, and we both get on with our lives in a relatively expedient fashion.

The second is less ideal: You offer some sort of specific about yourself, and I'm able to pinpoint who you need to speak to. For instance, you'll tell me that you live in a town where I know we do a lot of work. Or that you work in a school where only a handful of employees' children attend.  I'll transfer you as best I can, and we'll get on with our day.

The third is my least favorite. You offer something vague with a heavy dose of attitude that gets both of us riled up, and neither of us headed on the conversational path we should be travelling.

So while I commend you on your lifestyle of cheerleading and lobster selling, I can't direct your call. It doesn't matter how grumpy or inconvenienced you are. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way.

Because as much as it would tickle the locals for me to page the office with an "If anyone called a random grumpasaurus about ordering some peppy lobsters, they're on line four..." The odds of it receiving anything but pithy sarcasm in retort are almost infinitely against you.

Thanks for your time, though. It's been a pleasure.

RaYD,

Sunny