Dear Custodian,
I thank you wholeheartedly for all you do. For realsies - My maternal unit was a custodian for a time, and I know it's grueling (often thankless) work. I appreciate that you keep the food situation under my desk at a minimum so that livestock doesn't take up residence. And I appreciate that you conquer my trashcan on a nightly basis. No small feat, I know.
However, there is one topic of conversation I would like to bring up:
Toilet paper.
I am familiar with the Custodial Arsenal of Tools. So I know that, along with your Keyring of Epic Unlocking and your Awesome Mop Bucket with Water Extractor, you are also equipped with sharp objects. Pointy objects. Things that can make clean incisions at a moment's notice and without terrible to-do.
So perhaps the next time you install a fresh roll of toilet paper**1, you could whip out that handy little Object of Sharpness and start the first sheet cleanly. Because, honestly... there is nothing more infuriating than that obnoxious little adhesived piece that I must claw at like a monkey rabid with desperation in order to attend to what must be tended. I'm not getting anywhere with a shredded pile of tacky two-ply.
Thank you again for being made of awesome.
Grins,
Sunny
**1 Not that I'm complaining about that, mind you. I think you are the BEST at that, and I thank you for your diligence in keeping our supply ever-ready for any emergency.
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