Let 'Em Have It

ReaderFriends,

I found this blog post half-finished in the archives from before we completed our office move last year. I read through it, hoping to find a little nugget that would help me post something witty and clever instead of the sleepy snark I'm eminating from my personage today. But as I read through, I realized that I had been putting together this post on a day not unlike today. I was exhausted. I was frustrated and I really wanted a nap. But I managed to unearth this little tidbit about... Well, you should read it and find out.

But I'll tell you, it made me feel a little better hoping that there's some of this radiating my way today.

You all are certainly doing your part just being here. So thanks for that. :)

Hugs,
Sunny

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December 6, 2011

So, there isn't much time for a long post today. But I wanted to post an update.

We're packing and getting ready for M-Day this week. (That's Move-Day, in case I was being obscure.) It's been a long, stressful process. Tempers are short and it's hard to keep a positive outlook when there's StressAPalooza going on.

So I'm going to do something I typically don't:

Use someone else's words.

Let me precursor this with a short explanation:

I'm a sap. I like thinking happy thoughts. I like watching movies with sweet and happy endings. I like fuzzy kittens and fluffy bunnies and my teddy bear. (And especially Boyfriend of Amazingness, for putting up with all this sicky-sweetness.)

So every week I get e-mails from a relatively well-known author of Romantic Fluff that are brimming with happy fuzzies.

Today's e-mail talked about 'The Benefit of Doubting.'

The Benefit of Doubting
by Michael Webb

Several years ago a minister from the United States went to visit one of his denomination's congregations in Africa.  When he got up to the pulpit to preach he noticed by the style of clothing that members of one of the local tribes sat in the front of the room while those from a different tribe seemed to be forced to sit in the back.

Knowing that there is much tribal animosity in the country, the minister scrapped his notes and began preaching about unity... and how we are to love our brothers. After the condemning sermon, the visiting minister sat down and the local pastor leaned over to him and stated "Our members sit in different sections out of much love and respect for one another.  In our culture, it is our way of showing honor to the visiting tribe by giving them the best seats in the church."

Had the preacher not jumped to conclusions, he would have saved himself from humiliation and from offending the church members. While he might not have had the opportunity to ask why they sat apart before his sermon, he could have certainly done so afterwards.

How often do we make the same mistake in our relationships?  How do you think your relationship is affected when you allow yourself to get bent out of shape over what appears to be a rude waiter, a slothful co-worker, an insensitive pastor or an uncaring mate? 

Consider the following scenario.

You call your wife at home during your lunch break to ask her what she's making for dinner.  She snaps back "I don't know.  Gotta run. Talk to you later."  and then hangs up.

Instead of going the "Jumping to Conclusions" route, let's play the "Benefit of the Doubt" game.

Could it be that:

1.  She is planning a surprise dinner for you and didn't want you to know about it.  She got flustered at your call thinking you might be on to her.

2.  Little Johnny is throwing up on the persian rug, lunch is burning on the stove and someone is knocking on the door.

3.  She has awful cramps, a blistering headache and you woke her up from a much needed nap.

4.  She is on the other line with a relative calling from Sri Lanka at $3 a minute.

5.  She is right in the middle of a really good episode of Jerry Springer (if there was such a thing).

When you arrive home you lovingly ask your lovely wife why she hung up on you so quickly.  If her answer matches one of your "Benefit of the Doubt" possibilities, you win.  If it doesn't match, you still win because you didn't sit in judgment of her all afternoon, brewing over the fact that she was a little curt.  And best of all, you open a dialog of communication so hopefully any misunderstanding doesn't happen again.

Athena and I like to play this game when we are out around town. We come up with some great explanations why the Toyota SUV just cut us off in traffic, why the cashier practically ignored us and why our friends didn't return our calls.  Most importantly, we try to do the same when we are confronted with potential "Jumping
to Conclusion" situations in our relationship.

Sure, we still fall back into our condemning and judgmental ways from time to time.  But we are working at it.

If you find yourself regularly getting frustrated, angry or even furious at others, it is possibly because you haven't considered the benefits of doubting.

Today I can think of four instances when I was overly curt. Not getting enough feedback from a repeat-offender of Withholding Information... Needy requests from someone seemingly incapable of taking care of themselves... Situations keep popping up and I keep handling them badly. Within the land of the Stressy McStressers, I need to keep my head on straight, my panties un-bunched and my nose to the grindstone instead of bent out of shape.

After all... losing your cool is what Evening Commute Angry Music is for.

Have a Sunny day, ReaderFriends.