Revelation

I had a moment of clarity this morning, as I sat down with my knitting project.

I started this beastie back in January. We got a phone call that Boyfriend of Amazingness' father had passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Immediately we - along with Boyfriend's Brother, Sister-In-Law and Mom of Amazingness - hit the road. Plane tickets were stupid expensive to get us where we needed to be... so we road tripped. The entire length of the east coast.

It was a very long drive.

So, before we left, I packed myself an activity bag.

(Yes. I'm a seven year old girl inside. I need things to occupy my time - and my hands - for long car trips, or I get antsy and carsick.**1 When I was a kid, my sister was my activity bag. We'd play games until we got cranky. Then we'd argue until we fell asleep. Flawless system.)

For this trip, I overpacked. It's hard not to do in a crisis, especially when you're a supporter of a directly-impacted individual. I wanted to be prepared for anything Boyfriend of Amazingness needed.

I had tissues. Baby wipes. Dramamine, Tylenol, Advil. I packed a book for when we got to our final destination. I packed my iPod, my cell phone and chargers for both (and for Boyfriend's electronics, too). I packed a journal**3 and enough pens to get me into trouble. And I packed a pair of needles and some yarn.

At first I wasn't sure what I was going to knit. I had grabbed something off the top of the pile - a pale yellow skein with pink, purple, green, blue and yellow baubles of color threaded through - that was compact enough for a road trip. But I didn't know what I was going to make.

So, being the anal-retentive fan of round numbers that I am, I cast on 100 stitches and started in.

By the end of the road trip, I had spent over 48 hours in a Chevy Expedition... most of it in the back seat, high on Dramamine, truck stop coffee and Fruit By The Foot. And whenever there was enough light to keep my eyes from hurting with strain, I had been knitting.

By the end of the road trip, I had a Big, Lumpy Yellow Square to show for it. It wasn't finished, but it had a hell of a story.

I told you that story, to tell you this story.

At the beginning of the year, I set myself a Resolution.

I promised myself that I was going to stop the rushing, stop the frantic skittering from one project to the next, and Take The Time.

But somewhere between the end of December (when I made that resolution) and this morning (when I was thinking about it), I lost sight of what, exactly, I was trying to do.

I was trying to get myself to slow down and just enjoy The Ride of Life.

Earlier this week, I posted about The Waiting and how it was driving me bonkers.

This came to a head yesterday. Partly because a big plan Boyfriend and I had made fell through at someone else's hands. Partly because I spent the day marinating in the mind-gnawing silence of a Friday Front Desk. And partly because I was just really excited for a weekend after a stressful week. Plans were made for dinner at a local bar with Boyfriend and his coworker. But as I pulled into the parking lot, I got a text:

Boyfriend of Amazingness: Looks like later.

Turns out, work got crazy and he ended up arriving more than an hour later than expected. Which meant another hour of Wait for me.

So, while I waited, I killed time.

I called my Mum, and spent 45 minutes catching up with her... Which is something I hadn't done in weeks.**4

I spent twenty minutes messing around on Social Media websites.

I spent fifteen minutes playing games on my phone. 

And I spent five minutes looking idly around the bar as I waited for a table.

I was well and truly antsy by the time the boys arrived. But two hours - and a drink, a dinner and an ice cream soaked brownie - later, I was full of food and full of giggles and really glad that I had waited.

As I said earlier in the week - waiting is almost always worth it.

But lately I've allowed myself to get caught up in discontented wait. And that's not cool.

It's time for me to take the time to enjoy waiting. Enjoy having a moment to catch up with my Mum, instead of considering it a time filler. Enjoy having a moment to sit down and work on my knitting without having to clean the house for a new guest. Enjoy having a couple hours at work to get done what needs doing.

Because while I might arrive at my anticipated destination just fine if I bludgeon myself into it, it's going to be a lot more pleasant if I just let myself get there when I get there.

Today isn't just a stepping stone, Reader Friends. Today is pretty damn awesome.

I'm going to go take the time to celebrate it properly.**5 I hope you do the same.

**1 It's a hoot, really. I need things to keep myself from getting bored. But I have to make sure they're things that don't require a whole lot of time spent looking at them - like coloring or reading - because if I take my eyes off the road for too long, I start feeling wobbly about the middle. And as the teeniest passenger, I spent most of the road trip in the Way Back**2, from whence it was a bit of a process to extract myself at pit stops. A sudden fit of gastronomical excitement would be terribly inconvenient. And sticky.

**2 Not gonna lie - I was pretty psyched. I love the Way Back. It was like my little nest.

**3 Mostly used for a tally - How many dead cars and dead critters do you see on the side of the road? We lost count somewhere around Virginia on the drive home, because it got dark and it's hard to count that stuff at night when you're exhausted and really just want to be in your own bed.

**4 I call her almost every day, but we indulge mostly in superfluity - Just checking in to make sure no earth-shattering crises have descended. Last night it was wonderful to have a real, solid Talk.

**5 With bacon.