Holiday Manners

Author's Note: I started this post before Thanksgiving. Well before Thanksgiving, in fact. But then Thanksgiving crept up on me, and I didn't finish this post. So now we're teetering into Christmastime, and I thought it's better to get this out there than to let it rot in the archives. So, here we go! Let's call it an adventure!

I try to give Thanksgiving its due. I really do.

But when there's something as exciting as Christmas on the horizon of a holiday for which the only anticipation is a single song about the fate of the turkey and weeks of preparation for a single day of over-indulgent eating... It's hard not to let the turkey get overshadowed.

So when I realized that a local radio station was already playing Christmas jams in the middle of November, I decided that it's OK to tune in once in a while until the feast is over and I can dive into the Christmas season with both feet.

(Which, of course, means that I'm listening at every available opportunity.)

Fortunately for me, the station playing the holiday music is (at least) focusing their stories and spots on Thanksgiving for now. I was particularly interested when I heard a feature one evening about eleven things holiday hosts do that annoy their guests.

The List (found here):

11. - Being forced to play a board game.

My response: THE NERVE. So your host pulls out Monopoly. If you're dead set against the game, sit off to the side and allow them to play. Interject when you will, and give your host a moment to perhaps fill their home with some holiday merriment. But watch out - if you go around letting your host have fun, you're more likely to be invited over again... or even (gasp!) have a good time yourself.

10. - Being told to take off your shoes.

My response: Do you mop the floor of this home? Did you pay $2,000 to have the living room floor refinished? Do you enjoy stepping in puddles of snow that was tracked in and left to melt in the middle of the floor? If your answer to any of these is "No," please give a moment's pause to the fact that, maybe, your host is simply trying to make her guests feel more comfortable. Or, if you're totally anxious about people seeing your bunions, say "I'm sorry, but I'd feel more comfortable if I left them on - would that be okay with you?" Seriously. How hard is that?

9. - When it's too hot or too cold.

Okay... Yeah, I get that. My home is typically too cold because I can't afford to crank up the thermostat to 80* and burn through the oil it took me two months to save up for over the course of one over-heated evening. Yes, homes that are climate-challenged can be uncomfortable. But, as a guest, you have the potential to come prepared. Wear layers, instead of just the heavy wool sweater that Gramma knit you or the skimpy glitter sequin dress that isn't heavy enough to have a UV value, much less any thermal comfort.

8. - Not being introduced to strangers.

A month ago I held a housewarming party. I was anxious when it started - social circles were going to mix that had never mixed before. But, because my friends and family are fabulous, I had no need to fret. Guests introduced themselves to one another, and conversations were started based upon how each guest knew us. Which is fortunate - I didn't have a moment to spare in between coordinating food and giving tours of my home. Do your host a favor, and try for a moment to take such a simple burden off their shoulders... even if only by asking the awkward guest next to you their name and if they've ever been to such a rude host's home before.

7. - Fighting off pets.

Now, I can absolutely understand that this can be a nuisance. My Young Master can be a handful and a half, especially when he gets over-excited and wants to jump on newcomers in our home. Pets around the holidays can be a hassle. Fido wants to eat your fruitcake. Muffins keeps drinking out of your mug of eggnog. But, chances are, they're at the party because your host feels as though their pets are family. Would they lock their child in a bedroom and listen to it cry for the duration of a festive event? No. While some pet owners might feel comfortable excluding their fur-babies from party occasions, as a guest you don't have the right to expect (or request) that a critter get locked away. If the dog/cat/ferret/gerbil/bird/whatever is bothering you, move yourself to an alternate location and make the best of it.

And, for good measure: If you are a pet owner who's hosting a holiday party, do what you can to meet the needs of your guests and your pets. Provide a safe space for pets to escape overzealous guests, and likewise a separate pet-free room (not the main party space!) for particularly difficult guests. And if Aunty Edna simply cannot tolerate your four-legged little one, invite her over the next morning for a post-party brunch instead.

6. - Getting stuck outside in the cold with no one answering the door.

Maybe I'm super rude, but this seems simple to me. For the guests: Five minute wait, MAX, and that's only if you're the first guest to arrive. That gives time for the possibility that your host is taking a few solitary moments on the necessary or is in the attic/basement getting last-minute supplies. If those five minutes tick by without an answer at the door, you have two options. 1 - Open the door, pop your head in and announce yourself. "Hello? Is anyone home?" This is a party. Your host is expecting a guest. You're not going to take them aback by letting yourself in. But if you simply cannot abide the idea, here's the other option - Ditch the party, and be on your way. Go out for a nice dinner if you've gotten a babysitter. Or go see the lights in a neighborhood you don't frequent. Enjoy your evening instead of standing awkwardly on someone's porch griping about the weather.

For the host: If you know your guests are going to be sticklers for proper party manners, leave a note on the front door inviting them to let themselves in instead of waiting for you to answer the door. Simple as that.

5. - Not being offered a drink.

Again, perhaps I'm oversimplifying... but at most parties I attend, beverages are "serve yourself" instead of "wait impatiently to have service supplied." If you're thirsty, ask your host or hostess where you can find a glass. Either they'll be flushed with embarassment and will scurry to find you a beverage, or they'll point you in the direction of fixings so you can get one yourself. Problem = solved.

4. - Being left alone for too long.

Now, this one I get. It can be frustrating to be invited over for a party only to be left by your onesie. However, try to see things from your host's point of view: They've invited you over, presumably to have a festive holiday shenanigan or two. All of a sudden, Aunty Edna calls and now they're stuck on the phone. Sure, they'll try to hasten back to you promptly. Sometimes that won't be a possibility, because Aunty is stuck in the hospital or has been run over by a reindeer or something. Or maybe your host is just outright rude. But you can either wait until they decide to return, or you can bundle up, thank them for their time and take off into the night. (That would be my course of action if I were left alone on multiple occasions during the same party.)

3. - When the host engages in public displays of affection.

This one really torques my tatas, if you don't mind my saying. You've been invited as a guest in someone's home. Who are you to pass judgment on their actions? Sure, it can be unnerving if your host suddenly disappears into a dark corner and starts making out without ceasing. But in all likelihood, the public display of affection you'll see at a party is a snuggle, a hand-hold, a hug or a brief kiss. And if this is a holiday party, it's likely there will be mistletoe involved. So if you're prudeish, gaze into your eggnog mug while the unpleasantness passes. If you're jealous, grab some willing participant and haul them off for some affection of your own. But if you're just being unreasonable, perhaps it's best that you just stay home.

2. - Not enough toilet paper.

There are two ways this could have come down. 1 - the roll by the toilet has run out. In this case, feel free to pillage through your host's bathroom. Somewhere in there will be a roll to help you in your endeavors. Or, 2 - the entire house is devoid of toilet tissue. In this case, you've got a much bigger problem on your hands. Do what you can with what you have to hand - tissues are an acceptable alternative, as is wrapping paper (which can also play in to the festive atmosphere). And please DO let your host know. They'll want to remedy the situation, instead of blissfully thinking that the bathroom is running itself smoothly.

1. - When the host is texting instead of talking to their guests.

Absolutely. This is abhorrent, and can be due cause for walking out of the party, after a point. In this technological day in age, it's likely that a brief text will be from a partygoer asking what they can bring (and your host asking them for some emergency provisions). So give your host a moment to put the phone away before you get your pheasants ruffled. If it becomes apparent that your host is more interested in their celly than in your presence, try this nifty trick: Text your host. Just a simple "Hey! What's up?" from your phone to theirs, bringing their attention back to the fact that there are people in their home that need attention. If this trick doesn't work, tootle out the door and find yourself a party with a better host.