Speaking of Snot...

I have the weirdest head-yuck ever.

At first I thought it was the hell-cough that was circulating around the office. Which made sense, because this nonsense started as a cough. Just a little mild tickle at first, but it turned into a hacking mess that makes Boyfriend of Amazingness wake up, sit up in bed and rub my back with a request that I not die in his presence.

So, okay. Hell-cough. Whatever.

I stocked up on cough drops (of the cinnamon candy variety, since regular cough drops tend to make me feel nauseated) and settled in for the duration.

Except then I started to sneeze.

And ooze.

And be otherwise disgustingly viscous.

"Alright," I thought to myself. "Not a hell-cough. I've obviously got the plague."

So I started trying to drown myself in fluids. I introduced myself to curry, which I've heard has remarkable plague-killing powers. And I started blowing my nose like a crazy person.

Until this morning, when I was came to my Startling Realization.

(Actually... I came to two. The first was that if I blew my nose One More Time, the damned thing was likely to fall off altogether.)

But the more important realization was that my plague went away when I stood up and moved around.

Or if I drank water.

Or if I chewed on one of my candies.

(Or anything else, for that matter. I've eaten more in the past 18 hours than in the former three days.)

So... this isn't a plague.

Plagues don't do that.

Also of note: When I get sick, I get sick all over. My joints ache. My face oozes. My stomach churns. And my head ceases purposeful activity. I can't think... I can't be witty... most of the time, I can't even make real sentences.**1 So the fact that I'm cogent enough to put together a comical-enough-that-I-feel-comfortable-posting-it blog post makes me realize (again) that this isn't a real sickness.

So now I'm on to thinking that it's allergies.

Except... I've never had allergies before. SO I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

I stopped at the local grocery store this morning to get some anti-histamines and chocolate (because nothing is okay without chocolate). I drank all of my effervesced water (because nothing soothes a troubled nose like tiny bubbles) before 9:00 in the morning. And now it's just before 1:00 in the afternoon... and I'd like to go home. I'm starting to ache ever so slightly. I haven't taken ten minutes off from blowing my nose since I arrived at work at half-past seven.

What would be best, right now, is if I were to go take up residence on my couch.

I could stuff a couple of tampons up my nose and drift off in peace.

**1 I refer you now to my NaNoWriMo reflection upon the Fever From Hell. Yes - this part of my novel was autobiographical.