There are some points about my job that are particularly stressful to me.
One is keeping track of who likes which pens, and keeping the correct stock of each. This is bothersome because everyone likes different stuff, and they change parties all the time, and I just can't keep up. So while I currently have a 200-box backstock of ballpoints and can't keep a single erasable in the office, next week the needs will change and the 150 erasables I ordered will go untouched as they move on to The Next Big Thing... which will probably involve something with the gels I threw out a month ago.
One is cleaning the coffee pots when they get burnt on. This is, in general, the topic for another post... But let me state that (as a non-coffee-drinker), while I don't dislike the smell of coffee, the feeling of crusty goo under my fingernails as I scrape the pots clean is something that I simply don't enjoy.
And finally...
I don't like being yelled at.
Most specifically, I don't like being yelled at when the Yeller doesn't even realize what they're doing.
Here's how it usually goes:
When I make a phone call to an employee, a series of tones sound on their phone. (Doesn't that make it seem like I work in a big fire department? That would be cool... But it's nothing like that. It goes "BUUUP BUUUP BUUUP" - not a "beep" and not a "boop," but a "burp" without the "r".)
I then make some sort of announcement to state that I am calling. Sometimes I'll just say "Hello?" Other times I get more clever, and say the Employee's name. But I always try to make some sort of statement regarding the fact that I'm calling, because the tones can fade into the background and go unheard. (And no one likes to be on the receiving end of an EngineerFriend rendition of "Can't Touch This" as they sing along to their headphones, blissfully unaware that they are broadcasting.)
It is at this juncture that all hell can break loose.
Sometimes the EngineerFriend just sits there, waiting for me to continue with my monologue about who called them and why. However, as I am not a fan of distributing unwanted information, I do try to await acknowledgement of my phone-presence before proceeding. So those phone calls go like this:
BUUUP BUUUP BUUUP:
Sunny: Hello?
Engineerus Waitus: <silence>
Sunny: Hello?? Friend??
Engineerus Waitus <loudly, and with unmasked agitation>: WHAT?!
This rattles me. I often forget who is calling, or where they are from, or what they wanted, or any combination of these that leave me looking like an incompetent gibbon in a cute skirt. And then I have to go back to the caller, ask the information I had forgotten, and start the angry circle again.
Sometimes the EngineerFriend realizes they are being spoken to and responds, but then reaches for the phone halfway through my monologue in order to be prepared for their incoming conversation, but in doing so cuts off my speech so they can't hear everything. Those calls go like this:
BUUUP BUUUP BUUUP:
Sunny: Hello?
Engineerus Interruptus: Hi!
Sunny: Hi! I have So-And-So from...
Engineerus Interruptus: <picks up handset> What?
Sunny: on the line for... <realization dawns> Oh. Sorry. I have So-And-So from...
Engineerus Interruptus: Great! Where's he from?
Sunny: Blargh.
This is less unsettling than being agitated at, but still leads to unfortunate gibbondom as I babble in incomplete sentences, competing with E.I. for the right to finish my sentences.
However, the particular specimen I was dealing with today was Engineerus Hollerus, or The Yeller.
And his phone calls go like this:
BUUUP BUUUP BUUUP:
Sunny: Hello?
Engineerus Hollerus: <top of lungs, immediately adjacent to phone> YES?!
Sunny: <jumps> Oh! Umm... <collects self> I have So-and-So of This Company on the line.
Engineerus Hollerus: <like a normal human> Okay. Thank you!
I think this is my least favorite of all. He yells loudly enough so it vibrates the speaker against my ear, leaves my auditory receptors tingling (in the bad way) and usually gives me a headache. Now I'm an incompetent gibbon in a cute skirt with a penchant for Advil.
So today, after the Mother Of All Awful Meetings, I transferred a call to him. And got hollered at. And decided that I had reached the end of my auditory rope, and that something needed to be done.
So I confronted him.
(This is a big deal. I don't confront. I passive-agress, and I beat-around-the-bush, and I babble to other people who confront for me... But I don't make waves. I'm much more of a ripple sort of girl. The only thing in my life that should have waves are large bodies of water and potato chips.)
And *that* conversation went like this:
Sunny: Hi! Do you have a minute?
Engineer: Of course! For you? Anything!
(He's a bit of a character.)
Sunny: I just wanted to check on your phone. Is it working okay?
Engineer: Oh! I'm glad you came in! Actually, when I dial out, watch this...
<dials a random number, like 5439761584364, and then registers surprise when it doesn't work>
Oh. Well. When I make a phone call, it starts out really loud and then gets really quiet.
Sunny: Oh! So is this a common problem for your phone? The volume is an issue?
Engineer: Not always, just at the beginning of a conversation.
Sunny: I'm glad you brought that up. Stop yelling at me.
From here, he began on a monologue about how his coworkers immediately adjacent to him have been telling him that he's too loud, and how his wife tells him all the time that the phone hasn't done anything to him, and that he should stop yelling at it.
From which I took away "Don't get your hopes up, kid. I'm a yeller."
Or maybe a real gibbon will come in and take my job, and I'll keep getting my paychecks, so I'll be free to move on to bigger and better things... like teaching small children the rules of society.
Rule Number 47 For Surviving Successfully in Society: Don't yell into the phone, or you'll risk the wrath of a disgruntled Receptionist.
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