"You know, you remind me so much of this girl I used to date. God, I hated her."
Touching, MailPerson. Really touching.
But not the point today.
Neither is the point the short exchange this morning, where it was explained to a Dear EngineerFriend that No, it is never acceptable to perform a full-body visual scan of a female employee as she attempts to ask you a question. You will probably get away with the act once, especially if she is feeling cute that day... But to press further is not to perform admirably. Furthermore, "I was looking at your really pale legs!" is not an acceptable response to "You should look at my eyes when we're speaking together."
No, even that is not the culminating height of today's adventures.
Today's pinnacle of excitement finds me irked by my food allergies.
There are some really amazing perks - and irks - about food allergies. One, I finally get to one-up my sister who spent her entire childhood in one doctor's office or another for broken appendages (and teeth... oh, the teeth...) and rubbed in all the extra-special attention she got for that... Two, I get to try some really cool foods to find a way around my allergies... And three; sometimes I get really sick. This part is rarely a perk, but sometimes it gets me out of activities in which I don't wish to partake. Usually it's just a pain.
Typically I get sick because I have lost control of what I am ingesting.This can occur for a number of reasons, the most prominent of which are A) I don't see that there is something bad on the ingredients list, because it's cleverly renamed or the food is in a different container (i.e. take-out); B) It's something homemade with an ingredient that I forgot/didn't recognize as harmful, and by the time I figured it out it was too late (i.e. leftovers); or C) I'm starving, I'm out with friends, and we've ended up in an establishment where "No cheese, please" is a recipe for getting your food spit upon. (On the same token, "Is this artificially sweetened?" is a recipe for getting a glass of water for your dinner.) Today, I'm thinking it was Option B that got me down.
This is more unfortunate than usual today for two reasons. Firstly because all of my administrative cohorts are off on some grand adventure or another, and won't be back until next month. To that end, I am the sole individual responsible for the phones and the front desk. This doesn't mean that there aren't others who will pick up some slack in case of dire emergency, but it is an inconvenience to them (and I abhor being an inconvenience). Therefore, when Sour Tummy becomes an issue, I must make a clean break from the desk to go deal with it. This is where the second reason comes in. Although it has been - for the most part - quiet this week, the front desk has been The Place To Be today with phone calls and clients and co-workers (Oh my!) coming and going with alarming regularity. (This, apparently, is the way of Front Desks. Either it is as barren and desolate a place as the Tundra in an Ice Storm, or it is so teeming with life that it makes a tidepool look like it isn't worth its' salt.) Thus, when Sour Tummy flares like a firecracker in a blaze, I must grit my teeth and bite my lip and clench my fists and say, ever so sweetly, "Of course. I would be happy to continue paging each employee on the project team individually as they all tell me to lie to you and say that they're InAMeeting/AwayFromTheirDesk/
I told you that story, to tell you this story.
En Route to the land of Feeling Better, I traversed the vast expanse of the company kitchen, and passed a frequent Dear EngineerFriend offender with his hands in the sink under the running water. This is not an uncommon occurrence - It is often more convenient to use this sink than to walk all the way into the restroom (just down the hall). However, today was a day of excessive sickness. It took me almost fifteen minutes to be over the hill and into Feeling Better. Thus you can more greatly understand my alarm when EngineerFriend *still* had his hands in the sink and *still* had the water running upon my return trip through the kitchen... But, at this time, also had his eyes closed and was murmuring to himself.
I believe it was the murmuring that threw me off the most.
Because I am paid, in part, to keep an eye on others... I am required to ask him if he was alright.
It was at this point that he showed me his oozing poison ivy blisters.
Charming.
"I've got the hot water on. Holding my hands under scalding hot water makes it feel better."
I would have left it at that, possibly shown him some Calamine Lotion in the first aid kit and been on my merry way to sanitize anything he touched. He, however, felt it was important to add one further addendum to his explanation (in a hushed whisper, with his eyes drifting shut):
"It feels so good... I'm just tingling all over."
Sigh. Eye roll. Happy Monday!
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